My teacher, with whom I practice the devotional moving meditation called The Tantric Dance of Feminine Power®, recently moved away. This was a personal calling that she felt was best for herself and her students. I know she is happy and well, and we are still in the same country (woo hoo!). But in my soul, it has been very hard for me knowing that I will not see her very often and it has caused me to pose some interesting questions for myself.
Within the few years of being involved in this devotional practice, I’ve touched the depth of our connection to Spirit and to each other. I feel as though an old part of me has awakened, and I feel as though I live more as who I truly am rather than through the masks I’ve made for myself over the years. But since learning of her departure, I’ve again begun to question who I am and especially myself as a practitioner. For instance, do I only feel empowered and balanced because I’m her student? Will I continue The Tantric Dance of Feminine Power® as a regular personal practice while she is away?…and if I don’t, am I any less because of it? Do I truly feel called to this work, or is it the identity of being a practitioner that I cling to?
These have been very hard questions for me because for a few years I felt as though I had some ground to stand on. I had found my place and had only begun to settle in. But now that I am not physically seeing her almost every week, I’ve been faced with whether my involvement in the practice was merely just another external mask I held onto or if this is truly a soul calling, or both.
It’s been interesting to notice that after all the growth I’ve made, my identity and sense of self can still be so shaken and make me wonder who I am and why I do the things I do.
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